


Sleeping At Last

by Luigigirl16



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2020-01-31 18:30:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luigigirl16/pseuds/Luigigirl16
Summary: I don't know what this story is. I got the idea from the story titled Faker by PurleyChaos. Please give it a read, and kudos. it's one of the best stories I've ever read.





	1. Mercury

 

Everything is harder to say than you think. Sometimes, we just need someone to talk to, to listen to us. Someone stay by our side...

This isn't one of those stories that start out fine and end up selling a bigger picture than what's actually being told. Trust me on this, I won't make a big fuss over this. Beside's it's not that big of a burden. To be ignored, yet adored. Lost yet found. Home yet alone.

So, let's begin.

* * *

 

I guess it began when I finally realized what was actually happening. I was relaxing when I finally realized it, that I was actually a doll, a puppet. I was being controlled for most of the time and never realized it until I was alone, completely and utterly alone. 

I also realized how good I am at masking it. I masked it so well that I didn't even notice. But, now I do. Now I know what is actually going on, what I am to everyone else.

That day, I didn't go home. I stayed under the tree, curled up as I finally realized everything. After that, things seemed to change. It was as if fate realized what I knew and decided to punish me for it. And punish me, it did.

I'm not sure what happened first anymore or what hurts more but it's best to tell both. Let's start with what happened when I came home.

I let the mask slip back on, but I didn't allow it to control me. I controlled it instead. I learned how to, and I used to to see what's changed around me.

When I got home, Tails wasn't waiting for me. He was in his lab, working on one of his inventions to be sold off for rings. This was the first thing I noticed.

I saw his ear flick when I walked past his room, the garage turned lab for his birthday one year. I still remember how happy he was that day. He didn't stop smiling that whole week for that reason. But now, I hardly see him smile anymore.

I only checked up on him, then left him be. He's grown, almost taller than me now. I thought that I'd be proud of him, of his achievements. But that was also a mask that I wore. All of my feelings that I've shown have just been pieces of my mask.

I headed to my room, leaving him be and deciding against getting anything to eat. I'm not hungry anyways. Not anymore.

* * *

 

I woke up, earlier than normal. But, then again, I couldn't sleep. Not last night or the night before. Ever since I learned of the mold I've been forced in. 

I haven't ate much since then either. No one really noticed either. Which only made this worse for me.

I thought that they cared. But, deep down. I had a feeling that I knew they really didn't. I laid down on my bed, curled into a ball. I don't know why though. Maybe I thought- No, hoped that my spines would protect me, like they always do.

But I know they can't, not against the emotional turmoil that I threw myself into. That's when I realized that everyone I know; every team member, friend, or accuantiance, we all have a mold we're forced into. One that the world's pushed us into and wants to keep us in.

They're lucky. My mold changes, ever so slowly or suddenly. There's doesn't, it stays the same most of the time. While mine is forever suffocating me, forcing me to be someone I'm not. But the problem is, I don't know who the real me is, not anymore.

After hiding for so many years behind the mask I've made, I forgot who I really am. Maybe that's why I didn't notice sooner, I thought that was the real me. I thought that I've been real this hole time. Until that last battle against Eggman.

_It was about a week ago._

_Me and Shadow had to work together again. Yeah, the robots where that bad. Anyways, we had almost beaten him when one of the robots had, somehow, pinned me down. I wasn't able to get it off._

_Then, I heard it. Those constant whispers from the civilians that I've protected for most of my life._

_"Look! He's having trouble!"_

_"Maybe, he's not strong enough!"_

_"Nah, he's already weak. Beside's that, how stupid can he be? Getting himself pinned down by a robot like that? Pfft, he's lost it."_

_That. Hurt._

_More than I thought it would. I was able to kick the robot off and spin dash it, hearing those same people cheer me on. My mask stayed on but I finally realized that I was wearing it._

_My emotions took over and I spin dashed as many robots as I possibly could before I couldn't anymore. I didn't say a word, not a stupid comeback or my usual "You're too slow". Nothing, but I could tell that they didn't notice._

_Shadow finished off the last of them and Rouge caught up with him. Tails, he stayed by Cream to make sure she was okay. But he gave me a proud look, one I could tell was fake._

_I felt my eyes start to water, so I ran. I didn't hear anyone call my name. Except Amy. Dear chaos, Amy. She didn't follow me, however._

_I ran to a forest, one that is too dense for many people to even find the way in. Me, however. I grew up in this forest, used it to hone my speed and reflexes._

_I jumped onto my favorite tree, sitting on a thick branch, able to hold my weight._

_I slipped. my lip quivered as the tears finally fell. I curled up, my knees against my chest as I wailed in sadness and heartache._

_I finally realized what I was to them. I was no hero. I was a puppet, controlled to be a hero._

Well, I guess that's all I want to tell you right now.

I'll talk to you later.


	2. Neptune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already guessed, this story is more of a retelling of events than the present, so most things will be past tense.

Hey, glad you're back. I thought I scared you off yesterday or something. Anyways, let's begin.

* * *

 After the whole Tails incident, everyone else also seemed to change. At the time Shadow and Rouge have been on missions for a couple of months, all over the world. Knuckles was on his island, fixing up the alter and building a little hut for himself and in case of any guests. They'd rarely call or visit. And, even then, I seemed to never be around.

Cream would visit, not surprising me when Tails and her started dating. In fact, I was happy for that. It got him out of the house more and explore the world that I wanted him to see. Vanilla, I'd visit her more often than I'd be at home. But, she was always happy to see me, inviting me in and making us some tea.

Our conversations started out simple, and soon, she had me balling my eyes out into her dress while she held me close, rubbing my back. I don't know how she does it, but she feels like the mother I've always wanted. Well, the mother I lost.

Can I tell you something? A secret?

Tails isn't my first family. I actually hail from a queen, me and my two twins. We're triplets but, at the time, mother had to seperate us. My sister, Sonia was given to a wealthy woman, Manic was supposed to be given to a good person but was stolen and instead raised on the streets stealing. I was given to a farm family, the family I called mine.

They were some form of wolf, I think. I'm not sure but they did know how to take care of me. Along with my Uncle Chuck. My eyes where black then, with a small shine of blue if ya looked close enough. 

Honestly, it shocked everyone when my eyes turned green after a few times of me using the Chaos Emeralds. The energy in them died my eyes green, but that doesn't mean it did anything else. 

I got another secret, my voice box is actually broken. I was born like that but we didn't know until years later, after I ran from home and met Tails. I know why I can speak now, the Chaos Emeralds. But before? That's a different story for another time.

Anyways, I've been talking to Vanilla lately, telling her about Tails and who I finally fell from Cloud Nine, falling back to reality. She said that I might be depressed but she also noticed how much I've changed due to the molds I've been forced in. She noticed, and said that she'd always be here if I needed to talk to her.

Guess, she really is the mom I lost, huh?

How about your parents from before?

The one's you mentioned?

No, that'd be delving into the past to much. Maybe I'll tell you at a later date. When my story calls for it. 

I could tell you about what happened after my last visit?

Yeah, that'd be best.

So, it had been a couple weeks after my emotional turmoil had been discovered. I was going to her house, again when I heard glass break. I ran to the door and knocked. But she didn't answer.

I opened the door and headed to the kitchen. She was on the ground in a collapsed heap. I ran over and checked her pulse, barely even their. I picked her up, moved her to the couch and used the home phone to call for an ambulance. I did what I could before they came. At the time, Tails and Cream where out on another date, going to the fair.

They took her to the hospital while I followed behind. I waited in the lobby, having to call Cream to explain. She rushed over as fast as she could and Tails had to hold her back when they denied her to see Vanilla. She ended up crying in his arms, as if looking for comfort that her mother couldn't give.

I don't blame her.

It was hours before anyone was aloud to see her, and even then, we had to stay quiet to not wake her. The doctor explained that she was sick. It wasn't cancer, thank goodness, but equally as bad. She had fainted when I was heading over and when she reached the hospital, fell comatose.

After an hour of persuading, Tails took Cream to our house, while I stayed to make sure nothing happened. It was a week before she died, and I was right beside her, begging and pleading for it be one of my horrid nightmares. But, it wasn't. She died in her sleep, while there was nothing I could do.

We buried her a week later, everyone coming to her funeral. Yes, I do mean everyone. There was even a herd of paparazzi and news casts.

Me, Knux, Shadow, Tails, Vector, Charmy and Espio where in black suits while the girls, Amy, Cream, and Rouge where wearing black dresses with a black veil over their eyes. Each of us were either standing or sitting at the burial.

My legs shook as time seemed to slow to a crawl. I wanted to bounce my leg to help me with the anxiety but it would seem rude and come off as me wanting this to already end.

Instead, I stood so that Tails could sit beside Cream. She needed as much comfort as possible. But, I wasn't the one she needs. She needs Tails. Amy leaned onto Shadow for some odd reason. He didn't push her away, but I could tell that he didn't like her like that based on his body language. Rouge leaned onto Knux, one arm wrapped around her as her head laid on his shoulder.

I had no one. I have no one. Vanilla was all that I had, but she's gone. She left right beside me, in the dead of night. While she was asleep, probably knowing that Cream now has Tails. But, I now don't have anyone.

They started to lower the casket, my knees shaking more as the casket went further and further down into the ground. When the casket reached the bottom, my legs finally gave out. My tears falling from my eyes but I held a blank face, not caring for the tear stains soon to follow.

I could feel Tails stare at me, _glare_ at me actually. I could also feel someone else's stare, but I couldn't tell who's. But, I could tell that they were either worried or confused. Possibly both?

That doesn't matter right now. Anyways, when it came time to speak, I couldn't. I didn't trust my own voice, it was already hard to breath as it is. Speaking would just allow these bottled up feelings to fizzle out and overflow. So, I only looked away, showing that I "didn't want" to speak.

I was the last one to leave, being bombarded by the press that was held back behind the gate of the cemetery. My ears were pierced with too many questions to try to answer. Some asked about who it was, what my relations where to "the deceased", and what happened during the funeral.

**"Mr. Sonic! Mr. Sonic! Why are their tear stains on your face?"**

Everyone froze at that, the camera's still clicking away as a bunch of microphones where pushed into my face. I looked up, allowing them to see that I have been crying. I took a breath, "no more questions please."

However, that didn't stop them as I pushed past the get out. Then I heard it.

_"Maybe, he ain't okay. I mean, he just lost someone that was probably really close to him. Let's leave him be."_

**"Are you kidding? People love real trauma, problems, and real-life issues. We need to get him to answer or else our ratings and his will go down."**

I looked at him, another person who doesn't care about anything but himself. I walked up to him as everyone moved back, making a way. He looked down at me, " **are you gonna finally answer?** " I only glared up at him, which seemed to unnerve him.

I took a breath, "why are you doing this?" Everyone froze, so I continued. "Why are you broadcasting what people go through, as if it's reality tv when it's not. We just buried a friend of ours and you see that as a good time to boast about how broken we are as if we're porcelain dolls?" 

I took a step forward as he took one back, "we may seem strong but we're just like you. We feel, we bleed and we break. But, you don't get that, do you?" Everything was silent. "No, you see us as something that's supposed to be indestructible, a wall to hide behind when you're too scared of the dark."

I could feel more tears start to gather in my eyes, "we aren't all like that. At times, we're just like you. We do things that we have to in order to make it through the night, to see the light of day. That doesn't make us indestructible, it makes us human. But, then again, what is human in a world as broken as this?"

I turned away but he stopped me, " **are you saying that you're not the hero we all thought you were?** " I looked back at him, "if you dare make another accusation or try to put words in my mouth, I will snatch that microphone out of your hand and smash it into the camera."

That got him to stop, and I left. Everyone moved out of my way, as if I'd bite their heads off. I probably would, now that I think about it.

I headed out, to the forest. Tails needed to take care of Cream, not need me to be a third wheel. She'd probably say that I wasn't one, but I still don't think that I could've helped her feel better. Tails could, however.

Once I reached my tree, I leaned against it and allowed my feelings to slip from behind the mask. I cried, curling in on myself and begging that this was some stupid nightmare. No matter how many times I pinched myself, reality was still there.

Reality. I never really understood it, how it worked, or how reality can change in a snap. Mine did, everyone's watching did. And I'm sure that the reality of my 'friends' did as well.

I think that's enough for today.

I'll talk to you later.


	3. Earth

Glad you're back.

let's continue where we left off then...

* * *

 Things seemed to be getting worse, but better. I moved out of the house so that Tails and Cream could have their peace without a third wheel. I know Tails definitely wanted me to move out.

Why's that?

He's been acting more and more like the mold that's placed on him. Outside the house, he's happy and greets others right. But once he's alone with me in the room, he only looks at me and says that whatever I'm going through isn't important right now.

Anyways, I had a back-up house, one that not even Tails knows about. And that's the way I kept it. The house itself is small but not suffocating, enough elbow room in each room. The water, heat and electricity works. I checked when I got there. I had moved all of my stuff in the dead of night, as to not bother them in the morning.

Beside's that, I didn't want to hear Cream say that I could stay when Tails would only glare at me to leave.

I only had to do simple repairs on the house, minor fixes and updating some of the outlets that were broke. I actually expected the house to be wrecked by the weather, but it wasn't.

A few days afterwords, I had ran into Shadow. Actually, he nearly ran over me with his bike. Luckily enough, he had barely dodged me. He seemed shocked to see me, but continued tailing a certain truck. I though what the heck and started to follow him.

The adrenaline rush was enough to make me feel alive again. Once I caught up with him, I asked what he was doing. He growled at me, "none of you're business faker." I pouted, "well. You did nearly ran me over so I think I deserve an explanation." He groaned, "fine. Hop on and I'll explain."

I smirked and jumped onto the back of the bike, my hands grabbing onto his shoulders. He sped up, "when we get to the truck, reach in the back and grab the bag." I nodded as we got closer. Once we were close enough, I reached over to grab the bag but froze when one of the people stuck his head out of the window. Something was wrong, it felt like my chaos energy was flickering between positive and negative. However, I had no control. I winced at the oncoming headache.

Shadow pulled us away from the truck and stopped, "what did you do?" I tried to get off the bike but fell to my knees instead, trying to catch my breath. My arms wrapped around me as my ears pinned to my skull, I'm not even sure if I did do anything.

 I looked up when a hand was in front of me, only to see Shadow looking down at me. I hesitated, then took his hand. He pulled me up to my feet, albeit I was a bit wobbly in the knees. He helped me stabilize, placing on hand on my back and holding me close. "what was that?"

He sighed, "we're not sure what they are but we do know that they're after the emeralds." That was enough to get me to listen. "We've only found four of them and they had two as well that we just took." I titled my head in confusion, I know I didn't grab the bag. He smirked, "while you were busy I grabbed the bag from under you." I nodded, "what about their powers?"

He froze at that, "what do you mean?" I took a breath as the feeling still lingered, "I had looked into his eyes." Shadow froze at that, "that's why you froze up?" I nodded, "my chaos energy seemed to fluctuate. It's not supposed to do that, not again."

This caught his interest, "what do you mean again? Your energy had fluctuated like that before?" I sighed and looked down, but nodded. My ears perked up when I heard the all-too-familiar click of a camera. "Meet me south bound in two."

He nodded and we split up. South bound in two means the north side of the city in 15 minutes. It's a set of code words we've started to use because of the amount of paparazzi always following around me, this throws them off because it basically means the opposite of what I say.

I ran off to my forest, wanting to figure out why my energy reacted the way it did. Once it was time to meet up, I snuck through the city and waited in the park. He showed up not to much later. I hoped off the tree as he parked the motorcycle, "hey Shads."

He sighed and turned around, relaxing against the bike. He crossed his arms with a bored look, "spill it hedgehog. You said your energy fluctuated once before like that. And, yes, I did feel it fluctuate. Why?"

I froze but I didn't let my mask fall, "it was years ago when I was first learning how to control it." He groaned, "that's not what I meant. Why did your energy fluctuate like that, between positive and negative? It would only make sense if you could control both but that's a rare possibility as it sits."

I tilted my head in confusion, "how's it rare?" He seemed a bit shocked, "you ... don't know?" My brows furrowed, "know what? The only things I know about chaos energy are how it can be used and what all it can do. Beside's that, I only know little of it's history. At least, what little Knux told me."

He sighed, "it's rare because of the fact that positive and negative energy tend to go against each other. It's like night and day, stupid hedgehog." I frowned at being called that and crossed my arms, "what's that supposed to mean?"

He growled, "don't push me, hedgehog. I've had a bad week as it sits, I don't need you added to my shit list." I... I'm not sure what to say to that. "I'm... not on that list?"

This seemed to make him freeze, and I think he cursed under his breath. I didn't want to tease him about it so I decided to change the subject, "I actually can control positive and negative chaos energy. How I found that out was by accident due to an incident."

He seemed surprised, "you can control...both?" I nodded, "is it really that weird because you kind of seem shocked." He shook his head, "that's not supposed to happen. From what the echidna told me, rarely is anyone ever able to control both sides due to the fact that they're complete opposites. So, unless you somehow found a way to control the negative, which I highly doubt, it will consume you the first chance it gets. And when that happens, you'll be stuck in the middle of a chaos battle with no control."

The doubt part struck a nerve but hearing about the battle part did have me on edge, " **how did you know about that?** " _Dark, wtf? Why did you speak?! **Sorry, but I have to know, we promised to never speak of that.**_ Shadow's brows furrowed for only a millisecond but I noticed, "I was able to read some of the scrolls myself. I wanted to know more about the chaos energy I can wield and stumbled upon the kind that can wield both."

He walked up to me, but I took steps back. Up until I was pinned to a tree. He growled, "faker. I know you know something and you're not telling me." I took a nervous gulp, "wh-what are you talking about, Shads?" He growled again, "spill. It. What do you know about the energy that I don't." it wasn't a question, it was a demand.

 _ **We're going to have to tell him either way. It's best to tell him before he rings out our neck.**_ I nodded, "you have to keep this quiet, okay?" He seemed confused, "why?" "Please, no one else can know about this. Especially not Knux. He knows to much as it sits and if he finds out about this, I'll end up dead and lost at sea."

He scoffed but backed off, "fine. Now, spill." I relaxed a little, "he speaks to me." Shadow...froze. ~~_Well, could've been worse._~~ _How much worse can it get? He just froze when I told him that. If this is how he reacts, we're as good as dead._ He finally snapped out of his state, "who? If you mean the chaos energy, then this is worse than I thought." I crossed my arms, "he's not bad. He just has anger issues." _**HEY!! I'm apart of you so you actually have anger issues.**_

He sighed, "the chaos energy speaks to you? Meaning it has a soul of it's own, maybe two?" I nodded, "yeah. Sort of like that. They both live through me, and without me, they'll both seek to exist."

This seemed to confuse him even more. I sighed, "ya know what. How about we meet up somewhere and I'll explain everything." He sighed and nodded, "where can we meet up then? I'm not going to your house and you're not allowed to mine." I nodded, "I know of a middle ground. You know the area that Angel Island first lifted off from?"

He nodded, "we'll meet there then?" I nodded, "yeah. How about two days from now? That way, we have enough time to sort things out." He sighed and nodded, "fine faker." He went to his bike, "see you then." I nodded and we left.

I headed back to my house while he just went somewhere.

_~~Why did you speak? You know the rules Dark.~~ **I was shocked, okay! You can't really blame me, he knows about that.** Well, hopefully he didn't notice the change. IF he did, you just signed my death wish. ~~Don't you mean OUR death notice.~~ Close enough._

* * *

See yo tomorrow.

 


	4. Chasing Cars

Seems as if you really want to know how this goes, huh? Well, let's continue.

* * *

We met a few days later, both of us carrying a bag of sorts. His was a GUN bag, mine was a simple gym bag. He was leaning on a tree, relacing with his eyes closed. The bag was at his feet and his motorcycle wasn't hear. Thank goodness.

Why's that?

I never really liked those machines much. Never have and never will. That story is mine alone and I don't really want to tell anyone.

That's understandable. Continue, please.

Anyways, I didn't bother to wake him. His ear flicked when I took a step closer to the tree, his eyes opening only a second later. He sat up, "well. For a second I thought you wouldn't show." I lightly shook my head, "I never back down Shadow. You should know that by now."

I took a seat a decent distance away from him and placed my bag in front of me, unzipping it. When I started to pull out some books of mine I froze. Then looked up to see those crimson eyes holding puzzlement. "What?"

He sighed and shook his head, "nothing Faker." He pulled his bag closer and unzipped it, "you usually call me Shads. Took me by surprise that you actually know my real name." I faked a small smile, "I may not be able to read english but I do have a picture-perfect memory." He rolled his eyes and pulled out a few scrolls, then some books.

I went back to my bag, pulling out different books in many different languages, mainly Mobiun. Not many people can read those anyway. I am one of those few and it came in handy when I had to deal with Robotnik trying to decipher Uncle Chuck's handwriting. How he did is still beyond me. 

Anyways, once all of our stuff was out of the bags, we switched piles. I looked through his stack, seeing many of the same books but in a different language, one Shadow could read. I separated those from the ones I have never read or never seen before. We spent about an hour of reading before he looked up at me. I looked up at him, then back at the scroll.

 _ **Why the f is he watching us?**_ ~~ _Boredom?_~~ _No, he's not used to me being quiet. Remember, I would usually try and annoy him like Amy did to me. **Thank goodness she finally back off.** ~~Yeah, after you scared the crap out of her!~~ **Well, maybe I wouldn't have if she-**_ "Faker, what are you thinking?"

I looked up at him and tilted my head, letting my left ear fall. He sighed, "what are you thinking? You look like you're fighting an inner demon." I sighed and looked back at the scroll, "what books have you read already?"

I heard some shuffling, " _Et theoriis Theologia chaos_ , _Ngerteni Kekuwatan: Teori Racan lan evolusi_ , _Belgisiz évolyucïyalar: xaos jäne bul adamdar_ , _Onmyō: Kaosuenaj_ ī, and  _Chaos Vajĺdery i cudy: razumiennie taho, što jany i jak pracujuć._ Why do you ask?"

I looked at the stack I finished reading, all of his books he brought with him. I shrugged my shoulders, "no reason. What did you find that you've never known?" He lightly growled, "don't test me hedgehog." I sighed, "it's not like that. You said that you wanted to know what I know, this is the stuff that I have collected over the years on chaos energy but none of it really fits into what I am. Dual chaos wielders are almost non-existent know. I am the last one of my kind, making this seem more like a fantasy than anything."

He perked up and looked at me, his expression unreadable. "What?" He titled his head, what the fuck was that?" I blinked at that, "what was what?" He sighed and shook his head, "what you just said. I know this isn't a fantasy, I'm more interested in why you told me that you where the last dual wielder left?" I shrugged my shoulders, "why not? I mean, the only other person who know is my Uncle and I haven't seen him in years, probably with the rest of my family."

He seemed even more confused, "I thought you were an orphan?" I rolled my eyes and sighed, "common misconception. My real mother is still alive (as far as I know), my siblings are alive (probably?) and my adoptive family is still alive (I think?)." I don't think I've ever seen him like this; he was confused and puzzled. _**Confuzled!** Not Helping!_

"Hold up: you know your birth mother, you know your siblings, your uncle and you were adopted?" I nodded, "yeah. So what?" He tilted his head, "what the hell happened to make you act like a stingy brat?" Now that surprised me. _Did I actually act like that? ~~I thought that was the mold?~~ **It is. The world sought after the perfect hero and they made him act like that.**    ~~Thank goodness you know the darkest parts of the world and the way it works.~~ How is that a good thing?  **For occasions like this.** Gotta point._

Shadow sighed, "I am really confused now. How was your family then?" I looked away, "I don't really know anymore. I-I mean," I sighed and looked away at the sky. "I haven't really talked to my siblings in years and my adoptive family disappeared when Robotnik started his roboticising era. After that, I was pushed into the world of fighting, took Tails under my wing and the rest was history." I saw him nod, but I know he wants more answers.

I lightly scoffed, "it ain't enough. Is it?" He lightly shook his head, "no. I think that it's too much. How old were you when started fighting?" I shrugged my shoulders, "around five maybe. I was always a secret weapon for the Resistance, especially when I learned to control my speed better than my mouth."

He snorted at that and I could see the beginnings of a small smile.  _Score one for the blue hedgehog! **Oy vey.**_ Shadow sighed, "five huh?" I nodded, "that's when everything went down hill. My family was taken, probably roboticized. Then I met my twins and we battled Robo-but for a year. Then we seperated. They found mom while I continued to fight Egg-head, and that's how things went.

"Never seen them sense, never really cared. I had too much to worry about as it was and adding my family matters to the list would have made me go insane." He nodded, "where they good?" I looked at him, confuzzled. "Where your siblings good to you?' I shrugged my shoulders, "sometimes. But, we were triplets. We never got along and other times it was like we were the same person."

He nodded, "sounds like me and Maria." I nodded and looked back at the sky, "she sounds perfect." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the wind take away all of my worries.

I don't know why but whenever I'm around Shadow and we actually aren't fighting, I feel...normal. Like, no one was watching, waiting for me to mess up. Waiting for me to do something amazing. I felt like a normal person.

That's probably because Shadow never really followed the way the world was, he never bent to the mold like us. He followed his own path, his own life. He never had to worry about the world, how the world saw him or how they wanted him to be. He was his own person, his own mold. He was himself.

And I like that.

My ears twitched when I heard a page being turned, do I looked back at the scroll I was reading. I decided to finish reading it, knowing full well that I needed to. Once done, I continued to read more, up until I finished reading them all. I noticed the book Shadow was reading, the one I wrote myself.

I had been writing that for years now, knowing full well that someone would want to know what being a dual chaos wielder was like. I had written all of my tests, hypothesis, and knowledge down in between those two leather covers. Everything I ever knew about my powers; how they worked, what triggered them, the problems that they could cause, anything and everything I could think of; I wrote it down. 

I never expected him to read it, but I knew that someone would. And yet, I wasn't even done writing it. He sighed and closed the book, looking unsure of something. He then looked up at me, "what exactly are you?"

"Depends." "On what?" "On what you believe."

He placed the book with the others, "like religion?" I nodded and he sighed, "anything is possible with the right thoughts. And right now, I'll believe whatever you say about this."

 _ ~~Wait! Did he just say that he'll believe us?~~_ _ **Duh, do you need a hearing aid?**_ ~~_Shut up, Dark!_~~   _GUYS, yelling in my head will NOT help us! **Sorry, M.** ~~Yeah, sorry.~~_

I sighed but my eyes never met those crimson, "in some cases, I would be considered a nephalem. Others would consider me the perfect god." I scoffed at the idea, "never believed in either until I met Fleetway." He perked up at that, "wait! You met Fleetway?!"

I nodded, "yeah. Wrecked Egg-head's base and he still wouldn't leave. I had to get Knuckles and Espio to help me lock him up, however, where he's locked can never be disclosed."  ** _Because he's with us._** ~~ _Shut up!_~~ "Why do you ask?"

He looked from the ground to me, "I've only heard how chaotic he was. What happened?"

I shook my head, "you wouldn't want to know. Trust me on this, I had nightmares for three months because of what happened and i've seen people get roboticized right in front of me." He backed down after that, then checked his phone time. He sighed, "I think it's best we continue this at another time. I have to go back to GUN or Rouge'll get on my ass." 

I lightly smiled, "yeah. How is she doing anyway?" He shrugged his shoulders as he started to pack his books back up, "she's doing good. Been spending more time with the echidna than anything." I nodded, "good. Well, tell her I said hi." He nodded and we parted ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the books listed in English. They are fake, I made them up on the spot.
> 
>  
> 
> Theories and Theology: Chaos  
> Understanding the Power: Chaos theory and evolution  
> Unknown Evolutions: Chaos and it's people  
> Yin Yang: Chaos Energy


	5. Saturn

Why do you keep coming back? 

We need answers that only you can give.

So, you ask me for my story but not the answer to the questions?

We need your account of the problem in order to see you through your problems.

I don't have any problems.

Psychological, yes.

*Smirks* ~~**_It's not a problem if it's true._**~~

* * *

Let's continue with the story, then.

Things never seemed to be so wrong before. I had tried to ignore the looks I would get when I tried to go into town, but they were everywhere. And they never seemed to leave until I did. Slowly, I stopped going into town.

I didn't really need to, anyways. I could just get what I needed from a small store, near the outskirts. And it worked, most times. Soon, I had to try my Bob Beakley disguise again just to get some light bulbs.

The reason behind the sudden stairs was most likely because of the funeral. Dark had decided that enough was enough and I allowed him a little free range that night. I needed to vent and letting him out, through any means had worked. I had released so much pent up anger and sadness that I finally felt at peace for that small window of time. Then my phone went off.

Doesn't matter what the call was anyhow now. The fact was that I had only ever lost my cool one other time, and that was only in front of Egghead and the leader Metarex. I was angry and surrounded by fake chaos emeralds that still had the negative energy. He wanted to see what I could do, and I couldn't hold Dark back that time. So, I released him and destroyed the two robots that where built to go against me.

Funny how it was Eggman who snapped me out of it, saying that he was 'disappointed at the fact that I let my anger get the best of me.' Like he's one to talk.

What happened between you and Shadow?

He was sent out on missions for GUN, Amy moved away, saying that staying their will only create more pain than what she wanted. Knuckles and Rouge finally decided to tie the knot, however, something happened before the wedding.

What happened?

It was after the final battle with Robotnik, a few months actually. GUN had called for me, wanting my help on a mission. I agreed, having nothing else to do. So, they put me with Shadow and sent us to some of Eggman's secret bases, trying to find out where he hid. That was the worst mistake of my life.

* * *

I met Shadow in front of an old casino Eggman had built, lightly smiling. Yes, it was a terrible contraption to get through but some of my memories in these places weren't all bad. I only had to wait a few minutes before he showed up, along with a few other agents in uniform. I glared at the guns, but it was protocol.

Shadow led us to one of the bases not far from the casino, but I had a feeling I knew where we were going. I had been to most, if not, all of his old bases and hacked into each and everyone of their computers, downloading all the data I could and sabotosing the rest. It was a fail-safe protocol I had ingrained from my Uncle, in case the Roboticizer blueprints where ever found.

The base we were at was one with a hidden door, a spring needed to reach the button. We looked around for any way to enter without having to risk using the spring-idea but I knew we had to. So, I found one and pulled into the right spot, running a good distance back. "Sonic," I looked at Shadow. "It's the only way and I'm more resilient than everyone here. Beside's," I got into my running position, "you'll catch me if I fall."

And with that, I sprinted and jumped onto the spring, bounding up and pressing on the button. The spring had broken once my feet left it, but I heard someone kick it away. When I fell back down, Shadow had caught me. Just like I knew he would.

He placed me on the ground, then smacked the back of my head. He walked off towards the door that opened, muttering how stupid I was. I only rubbed the back of my head and followed him in, seeing many of the men turn on flashlights. I pulled out one from my quills, turning it on and looking around.

The place was a dump, broken robot parts littered the ground we walked on. But, we didn't mind. Not until we had reached a certain hallway. I froze,  _wait._ I looked down the hallway and focused on any and all details I could remember,  _seven doors on the left. Six on the right, key pad on three, remote access to two. Oh dear chaos._

 _It's this one._ "Sonic?" I flinched but continued walking, not daring to show how I felt. I remembered this certain base, I had been in here two weeks before the final battle.

Somehow, Eggman had captured me and kept me here. Torture and questions happened everyday, up until I finally broke out. I still don't remember how but I do remember what happened here.

We stopped in front of the last door in the hallway, seeing a bloody handprint on it. Too small to be human, further proved when Shadow placed his on top. It was almost a perfect match. He grabbed mine and placed it on top, "perfect match." I yanked my hand back as he looked at me, watching as I cradled my hand close. It was a perfect match because it was mine.

But, I didn't say it. They knew I disappeared for a few weeks, finding me on the front steps of my house. I looked away as two of the agents started hacking into the door, not wanting to see that nightmare again. Once the flashlights entered the room, I heard a collective gasp, causing my ears to fold down.

I know what they saw. Blood, an examination table covered in it. Tools to the left of it, also covered in blood and an oxygen tank to the right, the mask laying on the table. I know the scene all too well. He never cleaned the room, only saying that he liked the way it looked.

I turned tail and walked away, feeling my heart beating faster and my breathing shortening. Once I reached the end of the hall, I leaned onto the wall and held a hand to my beating heart. I felt my knees give out and I fell to the ground, pulling my knees closer to me. I laid my head into my arms, trying to calm down.  _I can't do this. I-can't-do-this. Ican'tdothis. Ican't-_ "Sonic?"

I looked up to see Shadow, kneeling in front of me. "What's wrong?" I shook my head, "nothing. Nothing, it's just." I took a breath and stood up, "nothing." I headed down a different hallway, one I've never been down but have seen Eggman go down many times before. At the end was a locked door, a password needed for entrance. One I knew.

The others soon caught up but stayed behind me. Why, I never learned. However, I felt a sense of foreboding the closer I got to the door. But, I pressed forward. I stood in front of the door and slowly typed in the password.  _M-A-U-R-I-C-E._

_*******_

PASSWORD ACCEPTED

The door opened and the feeling increased tenfold. I took a shaky breath, then shown the light into the room. All I could remember is seeing something red in a chair, I heard a scream. Then, I was falling. Everything went dark.

I woke up hours later in the GUN infirmary, a nurse looking over me. She perked up when I woke up, smiling at me. "Well, we were starting to get worried about you. Just relax, sweetheart. I'll be right back."

I only nodded as I tried to see if anything was broken because I felt an immense pain. Grief, for some reason. When she came back, I spotted something black behind her. When it came closer did I realize that it was Shadow.

He sat beside me, but his face was neutral. "What was that?" I was confused, "what was what?" He sighed and crossed his arms, "back at the base. You went to a locked door, one we couldn't open, unlocked it, looked in, screamed and fainted. What was that?"

That was when the missing picture came into focus. I heard the heart monitor beside me spike, as did my breathing as the image flashed into my eyes.  _oh chaos. I-It was... R-Robotnik._

 _He's dead. He's-dead. He'sdead. I saw him, he's dead. Oh god, oh chaos, oh what did I see?_ I felt myself being pushed down and a mask placed on my face, two people trying to bring me back from my mind. But, it failed.

_The light shown something red in a chair. A coat, with six white stripes and a gold button on each on. I felt my hand shake as I saw a skeleton, one with blue goggles on the forehead, white gloves, and black boots. It was Eggman, however he had been dead for what seemed to be a few months now. I could see a hole in the side of his head, blood splatter behind and a gun on the floor. In his other hand was the grey chaos emerald. Grey; the color of guilt and regret._

_It always did seem to fit him, seeing as how he never did try to kill me. And when he had me, he never took the blade to my neck. He kept me alive, for reasons unknown._

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around, seeing Shadow still at my side, a book in his hands. He soon looked up for my emeralds to meet his crimson. He placed a bookmark in his book and scooted closer, placing a hand to my forehead. "Seems you're finally back." "What happened?'

He froze, then sighed and moved his hand back. "You had a panic attack, a major one at that. Your heart was beating too fast for the monitor but you weren't breathing. We tried to get you to come back to us, but you passed out. They put you on something to keep you calm, but I knew it wouldn't work. You were out for a good few hours, however, you acted as if you where in a nightmare. They tried more heavy medicine, finally finding something that worked. They said to wait for you to sleep it off."

"And you waited?" He nodded, "they warned me not to wake you until you do." I was confused, "why? Why did you wait when you could have left?" He leaned into the chair and looked away, "commander thought it would be best if someone was beside you at all times and they didn't need me on any missions." I nodded but I knew that wasn't the only answer. "You want to know how I knew so much about the place. Don't you?"

He lightly scoffed but sighed, "yeah. I had a feeling that was where you disappeared to but I didn't want to believe it. Not until I saw how you reacted and unlocked the door." I sighed and looked away, "he kept me their. For two weeks, he kept me their. The blood was mine, the knowledge he gained was from me and the password he used for each and every one of his terminals is my middle name.

"I learned everything I could, destroyed and encrypted all of the information he had. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. He took enough away from me and I decided that he won't take anymore." I saw him nod, but I could tell that he wanted more. He always wanted all the answers life could give him. But, he also knew that I was not going to answer anymore, talk anymore about it.

So, he stood up and left. I was released only hours later, leaving without a sound. He knows how to find me if he wants to talk. But, he never did. Not for the past two weeks. They visited the rest of the facilities, copying and deleting everything off the terminals that I left their for them to find.

What they did find, however, wasn't what they wanted. They were trying to find out who was in charge of those things that I looked at, that reacted with my energy in a way that never happened. I didn't tell them about my chaotic reaction to them, but I also wanted to know. However, I never thought that the answer was closer to me than I wanted to believe.

* * *

We can continue tomorrow.

How come?

I want to go back to my room.

We didn't talk yesterday.

No, we didn't. But that doesn't matter to me.

Just go home already. I won't talk anymore.

Fine.

But, I will be back.

I know.

And I'll be ready.


	6. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> There is mention of suicide and suicidal tendencies.  
> There will also be swear words so please mind your mouths around others after reading this.

Seems as if you do keep your promises. 

I had to. We need your full account to create an accurate story of what happened.

Don't you have everyone else's?

Yes, but it's not enough.

There are crucial ... details that we need from you.

Then why don't you just ask?

We have to compare it with the others to make sure you are telling us the truth about the incident.

Calling it an 'incident' is getting really annoying.

Especially when it was you idiots who-

Please.

Your account?

Fine.

* * *

After a few months of nothing, GUN tried to get the Chaotix to help. Then my team. Then me.

I declined, for a reason. I lost touch with everyone. Including Tails. I never got an invite to the wedding, never learned that Tails had proposed to Cream. Or that Amy finally found someone else.

They cut me out of their lives, and for what? Because I'm no longer needed? Wanted? 

...

Maybe both, actually.

After a week, GUN had sent Shadow to get me. That was not my best moment, honestly.

Let's just say, I understand why some people like seeing their own blood.

Could you explain, please?

Explain what? My mental breakdown?

Yes, if that is what you wish to call it.

Fine.

* * *

My door was locked, front and back. All my house lights where off. It was the middle of the night in late October.

I was in my room, blade in hand and thoughts of blood running through my head. One voice said 'I can't do this!' The other said 'Yes you can.' The second one was louder.

~~_You can, there's nothing stopping you. There's no one here to help. And even if they wanted to it's too late. Remember, they left you. They don't care about you anymore. No one does. So, what's stopping you from doing it?_ ~~

_~~You don't have to do this! It's not the right thing. What about your family? What about the world? What about Tails?~~ _

_~~What about him?! He left us! He wanted nothing to do with our fucked up mind! None of them care anymore!~~ _

_~~...~~ _

_~~...~~ _

_..._

_He's right. They don't care anymore. If they did, they would be here. I wouldn't even be thinking like this!_

My hand seemed to move on it's own, scything through the skin on my left arm. I gasped at the pain, but that's all I felt. Just a small bit of pain. Then nothing. The blood slowly descended down my skin, like water down a river. It was captivating all the same.

And I didn't stop. I dragged another cut across, more blood cascading down. Then another, and another. I finally stopped when tears pricked at my vision, making it hard to see.

I lightly scoffed, "this is what I've become. Huh? I've been reduced to an ex-hero, wanting nothing but to die to end my suffering."

_~~Would it hurt? I've heard that it's quick and painless, if you do it the right way at least.~~ **There are many ways that could work. Suffocation is the most common, usually using a noose. Or you could overdose, die in your sleep.** ~~Or just jump off a cliff, you'd get to see the beauty you fought so hard for before ending it.~~ I like that thought actually._

_Falling down with the last thing I see being the world I fought to protect? Dying in my sleep also sounds appealing. I could have a nice dream, knowing that I'll no longer be a burden to the world._

I placed the blade down and listened to the dripping of the red liquid. Slowly, the blood fell and stained the fur on my leg, then the wooden stained floor. I knew that it wouldn't really stain it, but I didn't bother to clean it. I had no reason to. No one comes into my room, no one really visits me any more. I have no reason to clean it, the clean anything.

_Maybe, you guys are right. I'm not needed, not wanted here anymore. ~~The only problem is those weird appearances of those chaos manipulators and the chaos emeralds being collected.~~ GUN can handle that- Shadow can handle that, actually. Maybe, it is time to go. _

~~_Now, the real question is how. We have many different ideas, but it's ultimately up yo you to decide, you are the main host of this body._ ~~ _How about we settle this during a bath, let the blood soak the bubbles._

So, I headed to the bathroom, keeping my blade in hand. I left the door open, no need closing it, and started my bath water. It was a smidge colder than lukewarm, just the way I like it. Once it was high enough, I slipped off any articles of clothing left and slid into the bath, adding soap to make bubbles.

Slowly, the water started to run red, the bubbles turning pink. I lightly smiled, _never did like pink. But now, it looks so pretty._ ~~_Still don't like Amy, though._~~ The thought made me chuckle, _no. I still don't like Amy but this pink is different. It's a shade of pink only I can make, only I can see. **I like that, actually.**_

Slowly, my eyes fell as the water lead me to a world of dreams and nightmares, a world where I'm not alive. The last thing I remember was watching the water cover my eyes.

...

...

...

I jerked up and coughed, water pouring out of my mouth. I felt a hand on my back, patting me, and another on my side, holding me up. I leaned against them, _dear chaos. My chest fucking hurts!_

Tears slowly fell as the pain seemed to increase the farther I left the world of dreams. My arms burned as well, my lips felt... Off. Like someone had touched them, someone foreign yet... Familiar.

Mind you, I've only been kissed by two girls before, Amy (fake as hell and forced) and Sally Acorn (my ex). This, however, didn't feel like either. This was different, new. I like it.

Once my coughing came to an end, I only leaned on the other, taking as many breaths as my lungs would allow. The other didn't seem to mind, only allowing me the time I needed to recover.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, me leaning onto this... Savior? Enemy? I don't know. My mind was still hazy, probably from blood loss and nearly drowning in my own bloody water. That, or from malnutrition. I haven't eaten a proper meal in almost a year now.

"Sonic?" My ears flicked but I was too tired to move and see who it was. "Why did you do that?" _Do what? ~~You basically tried an impromptu suicide attempt.~~ Oh, should've worked._

"Hey, I asked a question. Why did you do that?" I lightly groaned and nuzzled closer to him, _his voice sounds so familiar. Where have I heard it from?_ "Can you atleast look at me?"

I tried to lift my head, but failed and it fell back against his arm. I heard him sigh, "too weak to move. Not surprising with how much blood you must've lost. Here," I stiffened when he started to move, one arm wrapping around my legs and the other slid behind my back.

He picked me up, my head laying on his chest fur. _Chest fur? **That knocks out Knux, who are we kidding. He'd never come to visit, no way in hell or high water would he.** ~~Silver is still in the Sol dimension with Blaze.~~ So, that only leaves Shadow. But why the heck-_

I was placed on a bed, my bed actually. The scent gave it away, and a blanket was wrapped around me, the bed lowering beside me. "You're freezing, how cold did you make the water?" I hadn't even noticed my shivering, or the fact that I'm soaking wet still.

_I'm soaking wet and in my bed. Crap, I don't have any other bed sheets either._ "Don't worry about you being wet, I'll dry the sheets myself." I relaxed against him, "Shadow?" My voice was hoarse but I could tell that he heard me.

"Yeah, and now that I know you can speak, you can answer my questions." He shifted, pulling me up to lean on his chest, "why did you do that? What the heck possessed you to try and commit suicide?"

I barely opened my eyes, my emeralds meeting shining crimson. However, they held no malice. They held no hate or loathing. They held worry, confusion and a hint of fear. _What does he have to fear?_

_He's the Ultimate Lifeform, he's immortal. Any weapon put against him would fail and only leave him with cuts and wounds. ~~I don't think he fears for himself, M.~~ Then who?_

**_You. He fears for you, your life, your mental stability._ **

_Still makes no sense._

"Hey, can you at least say something?" I lightly groaned, letting my head fall back against his chest. He sighed, "fine. You rest, but don't think that I'll stop asking." I lightly smirked, "never stopped to think that."

~~

I think I passed out, again. When I woke up, I was in my bed, surrounded by blankets that I know I didn't own. Most smelt brand new. My vision took a second to clear before I could see that it was mid-afternoon. _Wow, slept for twelve hours. ~~ **New Record!** Fleet~~!_

I couldn't help but lightly smile at their bickering _, you guys are worthless._ I looked around and spotted a small plate on my nightstand, a note beside it. I picked up the note, not bothering with the plate. I looked at it, opening it.

_Sonic, I'll be back in a few minutes. The commander called me and wanted an update on my original mission of getting you to come to HQ. I won't tell him about how I found you, just that you where injured and needed to rest._

_I still want to know what caused you to think that suicide was an option, and I expect an answer. Don't care when, don't care how. BUt, I want an answer._

_I left a plate of simple things that you should be able to digest. Eat. If you don't, I will force you to and it won't be pretty._

_Sleep well and please, don't ever think like that again._

_Shadow_

I was confused, _he actually cares? But, I thought he hated me?!_

_Didn't he?_

_**Things change,M. Maybe he did as well**. ~~ **I hope so, never like what he did to you. Made you feel like you where worthless, not needed, not wanted-** Fleet. Not now. **Right, sorry.**~~_

I looked at the plate, small apple slices and such. Simple foods with low acidity, low carbs. Nothing strong enough to make me sick. ~~_**Sick, maybe we should try that next.** Really? **What?**_~~

I could see the innocent face he tried to use and yes, Fleetway is also attached to me. He was originally locked in my mind but that broke the night Eggman was found. He's only released when I'm too stressed out. That's why Super tries to stop him from stressing me out. I just find it funny to hear them fight over the stupidest things.

A light flashed and there stood Shadow, at the foot of my bed with a few bags of groceries. His eyes flicked from me to the plate, and when he started to walk closer, I scooted back. Crap, he probably thinks I didn't eat on purpose.

He placed the bags down and sat beside me on the bed, well. About a foot between us actually. I kept slowly scooting over, not sure what he was going to do. I reached back but felt nothing, crap.

I started to fall, until a hand grabbed mine. I froze, feeling him pull me back up. I looked down, not sure what to say. "Hey, I don't bite."

I could tell he smirked at his own joke, but 'bite' can be a relative term. ~~**Anything can bite, even words.**~~ My ears fell at that, yeah. Words bite the worst. I didn't dare look up, I know better than to. Besides, he just found me knocking on Death's door, begging to be let in.

"Sonic, please, just look at me." I turned my head away, _I don't deserve to. Isn't that what you said once? That I wasn't worth your time?_ I felt his hand on my shoulder, I couldn't help but flinch. _Didn't you say that I wasn't worthy to be a hero? That I'm just a faker._

_Faker? He's been right this whole time._

_I'm just a fake._

_And that's all I will be._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think and if I should continue.


End file.
